Bush Commemorates 1 Year Since Katrina
It was one year ago that Hurricane Katrina rocked the Gulf Coast. Shortly after the hurricane hit, President Bush asked that his flight from Crawford, Texas to Washington go via New Orleans to survey the damage. From Air Force One the President was able to gain a poignant perspective of exactly what was transpiring on the ground.
Through his insightful aerial analysis, Bush was able to make critical decisions regarding the evacuations of stranded Katrina victims. "It was a bit difficult to see them" Bush said, "But I knew there were a few stuck down there. I phoned up Brownie and said something needed getting done."
Through careful coordination, total chaos and disaster was narrowly avoided. "It was a job well done" Bush stated. "I owe lots to the Air Force One pilot that allowed me such an extensive surveillance of the destruction."
So on the one year anniversary of Katrina, it was only fitting that Bush celebrate another mission accomplished with a repeat flight over the area. "I wanted to get a good feel for what's going on one year later. That's why I asked to be flown over the region again. I know more needs getting done and we'll do it."
On the white house lawn one reporter asked about the future of New Orleans. "It looks bright. That Reggie Bush fellow is going to bring a lot of explosiveness to the Saints offense" Bush said with a chuckle.
Make Up Your Mind On Number of Planets Damnit!For as long as I can remember there were 9 planets, it seemed as set in stone as the Ten Commandments. It's what I learned in school and what I've always known. Then last week they tell me there are 12 planets and I think wow, we got 3 more! That's exciting!
Then just a week later the scientists vote again and tell us we lost 4 planets! Now there are 8 planets and Pluto and the other iceballs will be known as "dwarf planets."
Come on guys, get it straight! Don't jerk us around like this.
I feel for the science teachers and students. Imagine last week when all the science teachers got super excited about this and bombarded their students with a fascinating new classification of planets. And now they have to tell their students to cross out their textbooks again and re-do their assignments. The kids are pissed and confused and it makes them think their teacher is retarded.
Iran Willing to Give Up Nuclear Program When They Face Legitimate ThreatNow that the Israeli-Lebanon war has substantially lessened, the international community is once again focused on Iran. While Bush would love to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities he knows his hands are tied. If we were to do so we would face more scrutiny from other nations and destabilize the middle east more than it already is. This is compounded with the fact that we are bogged down in Iraq (a nation that was much less powerful than Iran currently is when we invaded them). Also, the US was a huge loser in the Israeli-Lebanon war because of our support for Israel while at the same time trying to stabilize Iraq. In reality, Israel really screwed the US over on that one. Iran had been sitting with a good hand prior to Israel's invasion of Lebanon. But now they are holding two aces and the stakes are too great for anyone to take military action against them. Iran has been the biggest winner in all this and they will continue business as usual until they face a legitimate threat, which they currently don't. What they currently face is a lot of barking with no potential bite.
John Karr Enjoys Business Class From ThailandAfter John Karr admitted that he killed JonBenet Ramsey he was arrested in Thailand and flown back to the US, in comfortable business class of course.
It was reported that he enjoyed champagne and shrimp on this flight. This whole saga leads me to ask a few questions here.
1)Would the media still care about the JonBenet Ramsey case had she not been such a cute girl? Hmm...No.
2) Why does a murdering pedophile get to enjoy business class? I've never gotten to fly it and I've flown lots! It doesn't seem fair to the legitimate business class passengers as I have a feeling it wasn't as much an enjoyable experience for them. Shouldn't the economy passengers have been subjected to this guys presence? After all, they paid way less to fly!
Owens Looks to Win 9th Straight Tour De France for USA
After a tumultuous season with Philadelphia ended in Terrell Owens release, he returned to football with the Dallas Cowboys. But always with a trick up his sleeve he surprised us once again, deciding to skip Cowboys practice for two weeks while training for next year's Tour De France. It turns out Owens isn't as selfish as everyone had previously thought. After the allegations against defending champ Floyd Landis and the possibility that he may be banned from cycling, someone had to step in and give the USA hope for 9 in a row. That's when Owens decided that a career change was necessary for the good of our nation. It is reminiscent of when Pat Tillman left the Arizona Cardinals to fight with the US Army in Afghanistan.Owens is also behaving more patriotic than Floyd Landis, who raced for team Phonak, a Swiss cycling team. Owens showed the world at Cowboys camp what team he will be racing for...Team USA...Team Discovery Channel.
Owens is a dominant receiver and should easily make the transition to long distance bicycle racing and beating scrawny white Europeans. He is also releasing his own brand of popcorn that will be available for purchase in next years French event. Many cyclists will race but Owens will stand out as the sole black participant wearing a French beret.
3,438 Iraqi Deaths in July Not Considered Civil WarThe NY Times has reported that 3,438 Iraqi civilians were killed in July due to Sectarian violence between Sunnis and Shiites. This is the deadliest month since the US invaded in March 2003. President Bush and many in Congress dismiss these figures as a civil war and vow to "stay the course." What course? We have been there over 3 years and the country has held democratic elections. The results: Massive deaths amongst civilians. What exactly can we accomplish? Destroy the insurgency? It seems the entire nation has erupted into an insurgency. What can our involvement do? Maybe we can continue to play "whack em' all" as Senator John McCain said. This means destroying pockets of insurgents in cities only to see them pop up elsewhere, forcing us to do it all over again. This means we cannot pass Go and collect our $200.We have wasted so much money and sacrificed so many US and Iraqi lives only to see things spiral out of control. "Staying the course" doesn't seem like a good idea when a nation is involved in a civil war.
Israel Planning to Remain in Lebanon Until They Feel Like ItIsrael announced today they will remain in southern Lebanon until they feel like it. Actually, they said they will remain there until the UN multinational force arrives but this is translation for "until we feel like it."And Israel can do this because they have all the military might. Especially, when it comes to attacking an opponent much weaker then them. Both the US and Israel have constantly blamed Syria and Iran for backing Hezbollah and yet no military action has been taken against them. The reason: they are both too powerful and do actually have the weaponry to inflict serious damage to Israel. The damage Hezbollah inflicted on Israel is peanuts compared to what Syria and Iran could do if confronted.But a "cease fire" has arrived after Israel has set Lebanon back to where they were when they had previously invaded them. Bridges, roads and key infrastructure all over the nation has been destroyed and it will take years to recover.And hopefully this cease fire will hold up. The UN ambassador of Israel Dan Gillerman said this cease fire is "Lebanon's last chance." What does that mean? Will Israel just nuke Beirut otherwise? His cold and firm demeanor showed he would probably like to.So now the UN is scrambling to create a peacekeeping force for southern Lebanon. As far as Israel is concerned they can take their time, they will stay until they feel like it, just like last time.
French Tired of Americans Winning Bicycle Race
For the 8th straight year an American won the Tour De France. And now the French are screaming foul play. Wine, wine, wine...They love their wine in France. I say less wine and more effort and maybe someday soon one of their own can win their coveted bicycle race.
Lance Armstrong dominated, winning 7 consecutive Tour De France's despite having only one testicle. The French were glad to see him go and despite never testing positive in a drug test the French still accused Lance of cheating. Sacre Bleu! Sounds like there are some sour grapes on the vine over there.
So with Lance gone the French thought they were in the clear. No American could possibly win their cherished bicycle race again. But one did! And not just any American but an American raised by Menenite parents. These people don't even have TV's let alone know what steroids are!
So ok, unlike Lance, Floyd Landis tested "positive" for unnaturally high levels of testosterone after blowing away the field in stage 17. Landis has many explanations for this, one of them is that his body naturally produces high levels of testosterone. I can buy that, he is an American after all!
Another explanation is that there is a conspiracy involving the French testing agency Chatenay-Malabry. If the other explanations don't explain the results then I believe this one. Why is a French agency doing the testing anyways? That already seems a bit fishy to me. Why don't they let someone neutral do the testing? Perhaps the Netherlands. They know a thing or two about drugs over there.
So for the moment Landis is no longer considered the winner of the long bicycle race. But he is a fighter and will continue the grueling battle in American and International courts. He has many explanations and surely one of them will prove to be true.
It was one year ago that Hurricane Katrina rocked the Gulf Coast. Shortly after the hurricane hit, President Bush asked that his flight from Crawford, Texas to Washington go via New Orleans to survey the damage. From Air Force One the President was able to gain a poignant perspective of exactly what was transpiring on the ground.
